The 6 Phases of Blacking Out

Ambition

You’re sober, recovering from a long day of failures and you’re looking to redeem yourself. You’ve been planning your outfit all day long. You gather your friends and make a plan. You’ll hit ‘Bar B’ first before moving on to ‘Bar X’. Everything is calculated and the pre-gaming begins. You’re excited and ready for a good night.

Realization

It’s not like you expected. There isn’t enough eye candy at the bar, the lines are long, and the bartender is ignoring you to talk to the cute girl at the other end. It’s starting to rain and you can’t find your wallet. It’s time to go home, but your friends won’t let you. After all, this was your idea.

Redemption

That fourth shot of Jameson is taking over and your ambition is back. You mosey out on the dance floor and bust a move. The eye candy is improving and the bartenders are responding to your tips. You’re happy your friends made you stay.

Confidence

You remember this part of the night as a success. Every girl you talked to and every drink you ordered was perfect. Your dance moves were on point and you think you might have been voted as the bar MVP. In reality, you’re sloppy and slurring. You elbow everyone on the dance floor and yell louder than you need to. But, you’re having a great time and that’s what matters.

Haziness

You think your shoe fell off at some point, but you can’t remember if you put it back on. You remember having to pee, but can’t remember if you did or not. You assume you did, but there’s no way of knowing for sure.

Regret

This comes with a headache and nausea. You find out you went home without shoes, but you still have your wallet. Your friends tell you that you peed on a couch at the bar and threw a drink at a girl who challenged you to a dance-off. You vow never to drink again, but then you have another awful day, and your ambition returns.

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