13 Things That Happen When You Drink With Your Best Friend as Told by Nick Miller

Drinking with your best friend can be dangerous. When you two get together, you forget about limits and lose your senses. You block out the rest of the world for the greatest night of your lives, but as you get older, nights with your best friends get extremely predictable.

You start the night by drinking too much, too fast

As soon as you two get together, beers are cracked. You drink them faster than usual because you have somewhere to be. Your drink is halfway gone and your friend is already opening another one. Tonight’s going to be great.

You fill them in on everything

Nick Miller Successful Adult

You haven’t seen them in a day or two and you have a lot to say. There’s a new bitch at work that never refills the coffee. Oh! And there’s a new hottie in the cubicle next to yours. You changed your favorite color—it’s blue now. Don’t forget.

You start to reminisce

Nick Miller Storytelling

When you don’t have anything new to talk about, you go back to the old stuff. You talk about that time you broke into that camp in the woods and threw a raging party. You’ll talk about the time you were six and you got your tooth knocked out during a game of street hockey. You’ll literally talk about everything.

You have weirdly deep conversations

Nick Miller Attraction to an Object

If the earth is so big, why can’t you find a single girl on Tinder who’s worth your time? If you could fill the oceans with whipped cream instead of water, would it end world hunger?

You will talk about your ex

Nick Miller New Girl

Not a night will go by that your ex doesn’t get brought up after you’ve consumed a bunch of alcohol. You’ll reminisce about how slutty she was or about how much of a jerk he was. Your friend will agree with you.

You tell each other how great they are

Megan Fox on New Girl

No matter what, your friend will be there to lift you back up. They’ll tell you you’re pretty and skinny. You’ll find the one.

You will spill all of your weird sex secrets

Nick Miller Underpants

Since your sexual exploits probably aren’t a main topic of normal, sober conversation, you can bet that they will come out after a few cocktails. You will tell all of the weird, dirty details, but it’s okay. Your friend doesn’t judge you.

You only talk to each other

You may have gone out, intending to find someone to take home, but after all of the deep and meaningful conversations, you won’t want to talk to anyone else. You’ll sit at the bar, enthralled in conversation with your buddy.

But, you’ll talk about everyone else

Nick Miller People Are the Worst

You judge everyone else in the bar. You judge what they’re wearing, who they’re with, and what they’re drinking. No one will ever be as good as the two of you.

You do shots

Nick Miller Money

When the end is near and the alcohol is running full force, you’ll think shots are a good idea. You’ll do one—maybe two.

You fight over something small

You’re convinced that the shirt they’re wearing is yours. You remember buying it. You set up the scene, go through everything step-by-step. You’ll fight for ten minutes before you make up. For a minute there, it seems like the end of your friendship.

You tell a secret

Nick Miller Reading

After a fight, you’re desperate to make up so you tell them something they never knew. Hopefully, it’s nothing that involved them. Try not to get into another fight.

You want food immediately

You both know when it’s time to leave. When you start talking about food, that’s the end. You pay your tab, leave the bar, and find the nearest pizza place.

Hangover texts

You laugh about everything that happened last night and suggest you get some brunch.

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