The 4th of July may be more important than Christmas.
As Americans, we get really excited when we get to celebrate our country by drinking insane amounts of alcohol. We get overly excited about the Olympics, the World Cup, and we’ll join any “USA” chant, whether it’s called for or not.
Despite our unwavering patriotism, we all celebrate the holiday in different ways. Below are the types of people you will come across at every 4th of July party.
The Bald Eagle
He bleeds red, white, and blue. He’s running around the party making bird noises, calling everyone who’s not playing beer pong, “a Communist.” He’s the one who brought the fireworks and probably has an American flag tattooed on his shoulder (or his last name across his back). He’s aggressively forcing his patriotism on everyone with tri-colored jello shots and loud bird calls.
This person knows everything there is to know and goes around fact-checking the entire party. They want you to know the true meaning of the holiday. He’s kind of like the guy who goes around on Saint Patrick’s Day telling everyone that Saint Patrick wasn’t even Irish, just to ruin your mood and prove that he’s the smartest.
This person is constantly trolled by the historian. They think that the 4th of July is a celebration of the day that Lance Armstrong walked on the moon or that it’s the day that we succeeded from Mexico.
The Drunk Uncle
He’s constantly spewing stories about his time in the war and what patriotism means to him. He hits you too hard on the shoulder and continues to raise his PBR for a toast to his fallen comrades.
The Party Girls
They made their own America-inspired outfits from something they found on Pinterest. They started drinking at 7am and have been falling all over everything all day. They can’t hold a conversation, and continue to yell “‘Merica!” at every chance they get.
The Overly Concerned Host
They’re having the least fun out of everyone at the party. If you don’t have a beer, they get you one. They’re constantly asking if you’re having a good time and they’re yelling at the excessively drunk party girls who can’t seem to keep it together.
It’s not even dark out when he starts setting off fireworks. He’s harassing everyone to come watch and he probably leaves the party in an ambulance.
This is the person who can’t sit still. They’re trying to start beer pong games, yard twister, and tries to make a slip n’ slide. Relaxing isn’t his thing.
The One Who Can’t Get Out of Work
But shows up on their break to eat all of the food.